the ebb and flow of love

Love is probably the most sought after emotional connection the human race chases after. It is the most confusing and the most aggravating because there is no real way to describe it. I chose the word anagapesis for the most recent 'word of the day' because I have been dealing with the feeling of no longer loving certain people for a while now; now that I have had time to reflect on those thoughts and feelings, I can confidently say that this anagapesis has contributed to my recent darker state of mind. It doesn't seem to matter the time frame between when you were with someone and the present, falling out of love is painful.

photo: jenelle ball

Love is fluid, it comes and goes and ebbs and flows. As we grow and change, love grows and changes. We promise forever when there is no certainty in this life. I did not realise just how much my view on love has changed until someone from my past opened a dialogue with me. He has been very concerned about my state of mind recently and has not been quiet when voicing his feelings. I thought, for a moment, that perhaps in the future, we could give it another chance--but sitting here, now, after having the time to contemplate the prospect, I find that I am no longer in love with him. Granted, I still care for him and wish him a happy and healthy life, and the memory of what we shared still gives me butterflies, but there is no chance of a future for us. 

We believe that love gives us certainty, but in reality, it is one of the most uncertain emotions a person can experience. Falling out of love is not a guarantee--in fact, I believe that you can never fully fall out of love if you were ever truly in love. You will always carry a little piece of that person around with you, and in the wee hours of the night when the air is still and you are surrounded by silence, their face will appear in your mind and you will wonder what they are doing, how things could have been different.